Lying Like Cuoi

Say the name Cuội, and many people think at once of the one who sits under a banyan tree on the moon. He was a gentle young man with a magic healing banyan, and that same tree carried him up into the high sky. But old Vietnamese comic tales tell of another Cuội as well, one who has nothing to do with the moon at all. He was a quick-witted fellow down here on earth, famous across the whole region for his way with words. He talked so cleverly that whatever he said, people stood there dazed and believed it. And people often say it is from this fellow that the Vietnamese got their everyday saying, to lie like Cuội.

This Cuội was a sly one. His tongue was as smooth and supple as malt candy, and he could talk a thing forward or backward with equal ease. The villagers enjoyed listening to his stories. Still, they all warned one another to be careful what they believed, or this fellow would make fools of them before they knew it.

In the same area lived a rich man. He had plenty of money, and fields so wide that a stork could fly straight across them. But he was a proud man, always holding his chin up, sure that nobody in the world was cleverer than he was. He kept hearing about the gift Cuội had for lying, and he curled his lip in disbelief. He thought to himself, a young rascal like that might fool some people, but he will never fool me.

One day he sent someone to call Cuội to his house. He sat on the wooden platform bed in the middle of the room and slowly counted a few coins in his hand, just for show. Several visiting neighbors sat around him as witnesses. He pointed at Cuội, gave a scornful laugh, and laid down his challenge.

"People say you are a wonderful liar. Well then, I challenge you. If you can trick me out of this house, so that I set foot all the way outside that gate over there, I will reward you with five strings of coins. And if you cannot, then from now on stop your bragging. Do you hear me."

When the neighbors heard this, they crowded in, curious to see how the famous Cuội would manage it. Every one of them thought that this time Cuội was sure to lose. The rich man already knew someone was about to trick him, and he had told himself to stay on guard. He just sat tight in one spot, ready to defend. No one, it seemed, could trick him out.

Cuội scratched his head, as if he were stumped. He walked around the room, peered at a pillar, and looked up at the roof. Then he looked again at the rich man, who sat on the platform as firmly as if he had been nailed there. Seeing Cuội so flustered, the rich man grew even more pleased with himself. He leaned back, crossed his legs, and roared with laughter.

"Well. Given up already, I see. I told you so. Not even a man with three heads and six arms could trick me out of this house. I am staying right here. Let us see what you can do now."

Cuội let out a long, loud sigh and shook his head, as if he were truly beaten.

"Sir, you are right. When you sit tight in the house like this, and you are so well on guard, I truly have no way to trick you outside. On this one I admit defeat. The trouble is, my real talent is tricking people from the outside in. If only you would go and stand outside the gate for a moment, then I could show my trick of luring you back into the house. But as long as you sit tight in here, I really am helpless."

When the rich man heard that, he burst out laughing with delight. So this young rascal was only good at tricking people from the outside in. Well, that made it easy. He would go and stand outside the gate, and see how the boy could get him back in. As long as he stood firm out there and did not budge an inch, the boy could try until the Lunar New Year and still never trick him inside. With that thought, he sprang to his feet, stepped down from the platform with a swagger, and crossed the yard. He went all the way outside the gate. Then he turned around, folded his arms, and lifted his chin in defiance.

"There. I am out at the gate now. Now let me see you trick me into the house. If you can do it, I will bow down to you."

Cuội was in no hurry. He simply strolled out into the middle of the yard, clapped his hands a few times with a loud smack, and doubled over with laughter.

"Sir, I have already tricked you. You walked out beyond the gate on your own two feet. So I have already tricked you out of the house, have I not. Your challenge was for me to trick you out of the house. You never asked me to trick you back in. That part you added all by yourself. So you have lost to me, sir."

The rich man stood outside the gate, stunned, his mouth hanging open. He went over it all from start to finish. Only then did it hit him that he had truly been fooled. Cuội had not needed to make up a house fire, an important guest, or any big story at all. He had simply said one unhurried sentence, and the rich man had lifted his own feet and walked out.

The watching neighbors laughed until their sides ached. Cuội had won not by strength, and not by money either. He had won with one sentence, placed right on the sore spot of the rich man's pride. The rich man was red with embarrassment, but a loss was a loss. He had always counted himself cleverer than everyone else. Who would have thought he would lose to one sentence spoken as lightly as that. So he reached into his pocket, counted out the full five strings of coins, and handed them to Cuội in front of everyone. It was his own challenge. He had lost, so he paid in full.

People say the saying was born from playful tales like this one about Cuội. Ever since, whenever someone tells a story too good and too hard to believe, someone else is sure to smile and say, come off it, that is lying like Cuội.

The sly Cuội of this earth lives on and on in one everyday Vietnamese saying. In later times, whenever someone is caught out in a lie, people laugh and shake their heads at the same time, and say again the name of that smooth-talking fellow from long ago.