The Boasting Contest

One day, free from the business of office, four officials got together to eat and drink. A generous feast was laid out, the wine cups were filled to the brim, and talk and laughter rang through the whole room. Beside them stood a soldier who served them. He held a fan, poured the wine without a word, and listened to the officials talk.

After a few rounds of wine, every one of them was tipsy, his face flushed bright red. In high spirits, one official slapped his thigh with a loud smack, chuckled, and spoke to the other three.

"Sitting around like this gets dull. Why not hold a contest, just for fun? Let us see who is the best at telling tall tales. Whoever tells the biggest, strangest story wins. Well, gentlemen, shall we?"

The other three officials loved the idea. They slapped their hands down on the mat and urged each other to begin at once. The soldier standing nearby only smiled and kept waving his fan. He thought to himself, let us see how far these great lords can stretch the truth.

The first official cleared his throat, put on a solemn air, and began.

"I still remember the day I first took office in a certain district. There I saw a buffalo bigger than any ever seen. That buffalo stood right here and stuck out its tongue to lick, just once. With that one lick, it cleared a whole plot of young rice seedlings way over there. One lick, and every seedling was gone."

The other three nodded and murmured in wonder. A buffalo that could clear a whole plot of seedlings with one lick must be too big to imagine. Pleased with himself, the first official sipped his wine and sat back at his ease to wait.

The second official would not be outdone. He set down his cup, swept his arm out wide, and laughed.

"That buffalo is big enough, I suppose. But it is nothing much. I once saw a rope, a huge, huge rope, ten times as thick as a pillar of the communal house in our village. Such a pillar is already too thick for one man to get his arms around. And that rope was ten times thicker still."

When the first official heard this, he frowned, clearly not convinced. He shot back a question to catch the other man out.

"Come now, there is no rope as thick as that. And even if there were, what on earth would anyone twist such a monstrous rope for?"

The second official had been waiting for just that. He clapped his hands once, roared with laughter, and answered without hurry.

"Why, to tie up that buffalo of yours, of course. What else? A buffalo that size, no ordinary rope could hold it. It takes a rope ten times as thick as a communal house pillar to keep a beast like that in check."

The whole table rocked with laughter. The first official had been about to add more to his tale. Instead, the second had taken his very own buffalo and tied it to the rope. So the two tall tales hooked into each other, as snug as if they were one.

The third official had sat quietly all this time. Now he finally spoke up, taking his time. He stroked his beard, and his voice was slow but firm.

"Both tales are good ones. But those things are still small. I once crossed a bridge so long that from one end, there was no way to see the other. A father and his son set out across it together. The son, still very young, walked ahead. He walked and walked, on and on. By the time he reached the far bank, the son had become an old man with snow-white hair and beard. And the father was still ambling along somewhere in the middle of the bridge, not even across yet."

At this the other three officials stared, their eyes wide. A bridge that took a whole lifetime to cross from one end to the other. There was no telling how long such a bridge must be. Seeing the whole table fall silent in amazement, the third official was delighted. He felt sure he had won this time.

But the fourth official still sat there and had not yet told his tale. He rested his chin on his hand, smiling quietly. He waited until everyone had finished marveling, then calmly joined in.

"That bridge is long indeed. But I once saw a tree even more fearsome. It was so terribly tall that its top was lost far up in the clouds. Anyone looking up got a stiff neck and still saw no top at all. Up there was a bird's nest. One day an egg slipped out of the nest and fell toward the ground."

The fourth official paused for a beat and looked around at each of them in turn. Only then did he finish his tale.

"That egg fell and fell, on and on. It had dropped only halfway down the sky when it hatched into a baby bird. The little bird kept growing as it fell, until it had all its feathers and both its wings. The egg had still not touched the ground when the bird was strong enough to flap its wings and fly off with a whoosh."

All four officials roared with laughter. The third official nodded at the tale, and then he too wanted to press the teller for a straight answer.

"What kind of tree grows that tall? And tell us, what would anyone plant such a towering tree for?"

The fourth official had been waiting for that very question. He laughed loudly and pointed at the third official.

"Why, for timber to build that endless bridge of yours, of course. What else? A bridge that long needs a tree that tall, or there would never be enough wood to build it."

At this the whole table laughed until they nearly fell over. The four tall tales of the four officials were now all hooked together. The rope was for tying the buffalo, and the tree was for building the bridge. Each man believed his own tale was the best. Each was sure that no one could possibly tell a bigger one.

Only one person had stood silently by the table all this while. It was the serving soldier. He had heard all four tall tales, and he just stood there waving his fan, smiling quietly to himself. One of the officials suddenly noticed and turned to him.

"Hey, soldier there. What is so funny? Perhaps our soldier wants to join the officials in this contest of tall tales too. Very well, one tale. If it is a good one, there will be a reward."

The soldier bowed his head slightly and politely set down his fan. He was not flustered in the least, nor in any hurry. He simply answered at his ease, his voice soft but clear.

"Begging pardon, my lords. My lords tell tall tales with real skill, and as I listened, I was full of admiration. But standing here serving all this while, I have just seen something bigger than everything my lords have described."

Hearing this, the four officials grew very curious. They half rose from their seats and urged him to tell it quickly. The soldier kept them waiting one beat longer, and then he answered.

"My lords, I have just seen a mouth. A terribly big mouth. So big that it swallowed whole the buffalo of the first great lord, the one that licked up a whole plot of seedlings. It swallowed the rope of the second great lord, ten times as thick as a communal house pillar. It swallowed the bridge of the third great lord, the one no one can ever finish crossing. Last of all, it swallowed the tree of the fourth great lord, the one that pierces the clouds, with the bird that hatched in midair. With all of that in its belly, it still seemed to have plenty of room to spare."

The four officials were dumbfounded. They looked at each other blankly. One of them blurted out a question.

"A mouth as fearsome as that, where is it? Where was it seen?"

The soldier pressed his palms together and bowed very low, yet his voice stayed perfectly deadpan.

"My lords, I would not dare say. That biggest bragging mouth is sitting right here at this very feast. Only, I see four of them, not just one, so I cannot yet tell which is the biggest."

All four officials froze for a second. Then one glanced at another, that one looked at the next, and each suddenly remembered his own tall tale from a moment ago. Not one of them dared claim the biggest bragging mouth as his own. Not one dared say it belonged to someone else, either. So all four fell silent, tongues tied, and none of them could tell another tall tale.

After a while of silence, the very official who had started the contest was the first to burst out laughing. He laughed until he doubled over, clapped the soldier on the shoulder, and praised him again and again. The other three could not help laughing too, until tears ran down their cheeks. They nodded and agreed that the soldier who stood pouring the wine was the best teller of tall tales at the table. With just one tale, he had taken the measure of all four men at once.

The soldier only bowed his head with a gentle smile. Then he quietly picked up his fan and went on serving beside the table, as if nothing had happened at all. As for the four officials, they sat still for a long while. Without a word between them, somehow none of them felt like telling another tall tale.

This tale of the four officials and their contest of tall tales has been passed down from grandparents to grandchildren since long ago. Every time it is told, the listeners laugh all over again. And once the laughter fades, someone always glances around the table at the meal, checking whether anyone today has let slip a story a little bigger than the truth.